“I’m not shy, I just don’t like small talk.” — every introvert ever. If you’ve ever felt like making friends is a contact sport designed by and for extroverts, you’re not alone. Especially in LGBTQ+ spaces, where community can feel like a lifeline and a sensory overload, introverts often wonder: Where are the people like me?
Where are all of the....
- People who don’t want to go out every weekend.
- People who get giddy over deep, weird conversations.
- People who value a long walk, a cozy hangout, or even just a DM check-in over a big group chat.
Here’s the good news: those people exist. You’re not weird. And meaningful connection is possible — even if you hate brunches with more than four people.
Below are introvert-friendly strategies (plus some success stories) to help you find your people — the ones who make you feel seen, not drained.
1. Start with Shared Values, Not Just Shared Spaces
Extroverts may bond over being in the same place at the same time. Introverts? We need a little more glue. Shared values and interests give us that.
Start by asking: What matters to me? What lights me up? That could be queer book clubs, climate activism, faith-based LGBTQ+ groups, or fandom communities. Find people who care about the same things you do — and let that be the bridge.
💡 Try this:
Join the Inner Circle COMMUNITY forum — a space built by and for introverted LGBTQ+ folks. There are threads about everything from mental health to favorite queer poets. You can even post your interests and see who vibes with you.
💬 Real story:
After lurking for two weeks, Max (they/them), 29, finally commented on a thread about gardening and queer spirituality. That single reply turned into a private message, which turned into a weekly Zoom tea date with another member across the country. “It’s wild,” Max said. “I feel like I’ve made one of my closest friends — and we’ve never even met in person.”
2. Think Small: Low-Pressure Environments Rule
Large queer mixers, speed-friending nights, big parades — for some, a dream. For others, a panic attack in the making.
If you’re introverted, seek out small-group spaces where quieter voices get heard. Think:
- LGBTQ+ board game nights
- Writing or art workshops
- Queer meditation groups
- Niche online communities (like a Discord for queer horror fans — yes, it exists)
These spaces naturally filter for depth and shared interest, which makes connecting easier.
🌱 Real story:
Eli (he/him), 38, joined a local LGBTQ+ hiking group that capped each hike at 10 people. “I didn’t talk much at first,” he said. “But by the third hike, someone brought up queer history podcasts and suddenly we were in it.” A year later, that same friend helped him move into his new apartment.
3. The Art of the One-on-One (AKA the Introvert Superpower)
Introverts tend to shine in one-on-one settings — and that’s where the deepest friendships often grow. Instead of chasing a “crew,” start with one potential kindred spirit and invite them into a smaller moment:
- Grab coffee after a group event
- Send a thoughtful message about something they said
- Invite them for a walk, not a party
💬 Pro Tip: Say something like, “I really enjoyed talking with you in the group the other day — would you want to grab tea sometime and keep chatting?”
One-on-one invites feel intentional, respectful, and warm. They let people know you're choosing them — not just “being social.”
4. Know That Your Quiet Is a Gift, Not a Flaw
Some friendships — especially with extroverts — might need a little navigation. Extroverts may not get that silence can be comfortable. Or that “I need time alone” doesn’t mean “I don’t like you.”
The trick is to be honest early and often. Normalize things like:
“I love hanging out, and I recharge best solo — so if I go quiet, it’s not personal.”
The right friends will get it. And the best ones will appreciate how your presence makes everything feel more grounded.
5. Protect Your Solitude and Your Friendships
You don’t have to choose between “being social” and being yourself. Healthy friendships can adapt to your need for downtime — as long as you communicate and stay present in the ways you can.
Try:
- Sending voice notes instead of texting back right away
- Scheduling “low-energy” hangouts like reading together or co-working quietly
- Being the planner (so you can pick the setting and vibe).
6. Follow the Quiet Queer Web
Sometimes the best communities start online. Check out:
Final Word: Deep Over Wide
You don’t need dozens of loud, glittering friends. One or two humans who really see you — who text you just to check in, who remember your birthday without fanfare, who bring snacks to your apartment when you’re sad — that’s the gold.
And it’s totally findable.
You may be quiet, but your friendships can be mighty.
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