You walk into a party. Your stomach tightens. The music’s too loud. You forgot your “fun fact” for the icebreaker. And someone just asked you what you do—like, for a living and for fun. All at once.
If you’re introverted and LGBTQ+, social anxiety can hit on multiple fronts. You’re navigating not just small talk, but identity cues, microaggressions, and the pressure to be “on.” It’s a lot.
The good news? You can absolutely thrive—and you don’t need to become someone you’re not. These are strategies designed with you in mind: practical, gentle, and totally do-able.
1. Ground Yourself Before You Spiral
Start with your senses:
- 👣 Feel your feet on the floor.
- ✋ Touch something textured (a ring, a zipper, your sleeve).
- 👃 Inhale something soothing (essential oil, your shirt collar, even a mint).
5-4-3-2-1 Technique:
Name 5 things you can see, 4 you can feel, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, and 1 you can taste. It pulls your mind out of the anxiety spiral and into the now.
2. Practice “Quiet Prep” Before Social Events
You don’t have to wing it. In fact, don’t.
✅ Plan a few go-to questions or comments in advance.
✅ Practice a one-liner for when you need to take a break ("Just stepping outside for a few minutes—be right back!").
✅ Check out the space beforehand if you can (even online photos help).
Preparation is not weakness—it’s your superpower.
3. Try This Breathing Trick That Actually Works
Box breathing:
- Inhale for 4
- Hold for 4
- Exhale for 4
- Hold for 4
Repeat for a few rounds.
It's used by Navy SEALs and people just trying to survive brunch.
4. Reframe the Story in Your Head
Anxiety loves to tell stories like:
- “They think I’m weird.”
- “I shouldn’t have said that.”
- “I don’t belong here.”
Instead, try a gentle reframe:
- “I’m not awkward, I’m processing.”
- “My presence is enough.”
- “I’m allowed to take up space, quietly.”
This isn’t toxic positivity. It’s compassionate truth-telling.
5. Set Expectations That Match Your Energy
You don’t have to go all-in at every event. Give yourself tiers:
- 🍃 Tier 1: “I’ll just show up for 20 minutes.”
- 🪴 Tier 2: “I’ll talk to 2 people.”
- 🌳 Tier 3: “If it feels good, I’ll stay longer.”
Anything beyond your minimum is a bonus. Not a failure if you don’t.
6. Create (and Normalize) Your Exit Strategy
You’re allowed to leave when you want. Try:
- “I had such a great time—heading out before I hit my wall.”
- “I’ve got an early morning, but I’m so glad I saw you.”
- Or even just a wave and a nod.
You don’t owe your burnout to anyone.
7. Mindfulness, But Make It ADHD- and Queer-Friendly
Mindfulness doesn’t have to be perfect silence. It can be:
- Coloring while listening to soft music.
- Watching your pet breathe.
- Swaying gently to a favorite song.
The point isn’t to be Zen—it’s to be you, anchored.
Final Thought
Your nervous system isn’t the enemy. It’s trying to protect you—even if it sometimes panics at Pride picnics or networking mixers. With care, planning, and self-compassion, you can move through the world in a way that honors your introversion and your identity.
You don’t have to be loud to belong. You just have to be you.
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